Trans related sexual Harassment and Assault, I hope neither flavour of cis needs to know the feeling of “I hope death will be quick!” Or “I am not valid to seek help!” I hope that none of my brothers, sisters, or non binary siblings go threw everything I have but know you are not alone if you do.
First I am going to admit that I did some things while I was in my first puberty that are defined as sexual harassment, I am not proud of that and it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I did these things as I was trying to not be gay, and trying to act like a “man.” I am not saying all men do or should do this, but rather I was over doing it trying to appear heterosexual and cisgender. If I could go back to each and every woman and apologize I would, if some how they have found my blog and read this letter I am truly sorry.
Second I will admit that I am a loud and big personality I take up a lot of space. I am sure it is easy to dismiss me because I push the boundaries a little much. I am truly sorry about that, please know I am working on it.
Third I am going to admit that I have used my web page and the book of faces to call people out, if they really deserved it or not, I am not doing that here I am trying to make a resource for people to find.
I was sexually harassed at work by a man, when I am in horriable amounts of pain I like to talk it out, so I had messages sent to many friends. It was Wednesday night so I was not surprised people did not get back to me quickly. The following day I tried reaching out to more supports, I am hoping I did not burn bridges with them as have a very load, impulsive, and passionate personality.
I was out at work and with out going into to much detail the “I hope death will be quick,” thought went through my head 100’s of times over the course of about 30 minutes.
I had looked up resources on line about sexual harassment, more specifically for women who are trans, what I easily found was stuff regarding the bathroom bills in the states and how women where going to be harassed and assaulted so I backed away from searching trans. While reading articles and watching youtube videos, I realized the first thought many women who are cis said that went through their head is “I hope I can get away!” Or “I hope I am not killed!” The thought that went through my head the first time was “I am not valid.” The thought that went through my head the second time was “I hope death will be quick when they finds my no no zone!” Luckily I have found ways out of it both times. For many people who are trans they are not as lucky as I have been, November 20th proves that.
Most of my supports in real life are cis. The first one I spoke with is a woman who is cis and a lesbian, she suggested I go watch videos and read stories about this topic. I gave it another shot at it and with no surprise to me that there are very few resources aimed at women who are trans that are easily found on line, I stress easily because it is flooded with those idiotic bathroom bill articles and videos. I searched “Sexual harassment trans woman,” the first result was “male actor dressed as woman to experience” (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LvNZt1T5rAQ). The next link was “Forced to share a room with transgender woman in Toronto shelter, sex abuse victim files human rights complaint” (https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/kristi-hanna-human-rights-complaint-transgender-woman-toronto-shelter). Jeffrey Tambor also pops up a few times, cause he has harassed women and he played a woman who is trans on TV, I under line that fact because the fact that he harassed Trace Lysette was barley mentioned. If Tambor had assaulted a woman who was cis he would have still shown up in the search, in the same spot he did when I did my search.
I do not mean to take away from pages such as “As a transgender female I have been bullied and harassed. This ends now” (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jun/12/as-a-transgender-female-i-have-been-bullied-and-harassed-this-ends-now), and to a lesser extent as I am not a woman of colour “As a trans woman of colour, my words are met with silence” (https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/apr/19/as-a-trans-woman-of-colour-my-words-are-met-with-silence), as they were the 2 trans related pages that showed up in my search
Looking further there are pages about how people who are trans should or should not be counted in the #MeToo movement. Very few of the trans #MeToo articles are about the person who is trans rather how people who are cis attacking a person who is trans while they stand up for my brothers, sisters, and non binary siblings. On the same day the #MeToo movement started I was sexually assaulted, in an elevator I did not have the “I hope death will be quick,” but I was in so much anxiety I would have died if I was unable to get out first. Even after I was sexually assaulted I did not feel as if I was valid seeing as how I had been on the other end of that trying to pass as heterosexual cisgender man. It took me a little over a week to be able to comfortably admit that had happened as I was up north for work I was pressured into a place to start talking about it sooner. The part of me that held me back from feeling like a valid woman in the #MeToo movement holds me back from identifying with a lot of women now.
I am scarred from all the things I have done while I was pretending to be a cis het man. I have been hurt so many times when something comes up in the news about trans whatever is insert transphobia here. I found it easier to reach out to a man who is homosexual rather than a woman who is homosexual, maybe because we are both queer and currently have extraverted genitalia? The homosexual woman I had chatted with made the suggestion that I do online research which I did but quickly realized that the suggestion she gave me was completely valid, if I where a cis and I do not guilt her for that.
I realize cis privilege is a thing, and I do not guilt anyone for not knowing what it is like to be trans when they are not. I know the words may be the same ‘sexual harassment’ but the story is completely different, I pray that no cis woman’s first defensive thought is “I hope death will be quick!” I pray that no cis man needs to know what being asked “are you trying to be…?” Is like and the fear it sends down your spine.
Before you read on I should clear some things up: In my rant about being sexually harassed I did not mean that cis people are of no use. I have been harassed and assaulted many times while I was out with friends who are cis they have all helped so much. It is the times that I was alone where the cis advice does not translate, very well.