Change Room

I had decided I should lose some weight before “the surgery,” I have been trying to diet and exercise. I had planned on starting to go to the gym and exercising, but that was going to be several weeks in to my plan, almost 2 months, one day I was just not feeling as if my slow transition into exercising by walking around my neighbourhood was going to be enough. So I went to a gym, I went into the women’s change room to hang my jacket in a locker and I was nervous as all heck. The second day I ventured a little further in and hung my jacket in a locker a little further in. The third day I decided that I was going to need a shower after working out at the gym, as I was tired of cold showers at my place as my water heater was not working properly. I got to the gym and I just told myself “yeah nope,” and drove away. I drove a block or two and realized I still needed to go to the gym so I told myself I could do my work out and come home to shower. I did a run on the treadmill and as I was walking away something happened that my bra separated from my chest, just long enough for me to smell my BO. My body odour hitting my nose was enough to convince me that I needed a shower, and that shower needed to happen before I got in to my car. I finished my work out, grabbed a towel and went in to the change room. As I had all of my shower stuff with me still I was going to be comfortable showering, or so I thought. My anxiety was so high, the thought “they are going to find the car part in the shower!” Went through my mind at about 100 times a second; I was scared, and I was a wreck but I had a shower, dried off, got dressed, and left the change room. The next day came and those thoughts where still running threw my head but at about 50 times a second, the following day I realized I got through the whole shower before those thoughts went through my head. A few days went by and I was all good, I was not worried my anxiety was still really high but I could manage it. Then as I was getting dressed one day a friend came in she said hi and we got chatting with this chatting my anxiety hit the stars, I think my voice is a give away that I am trans. There where a few other women in the change room and no one cared, I was safe. A day or two went by and I became comfortable enough to do my make up in the washroom, I think it is funny that I was comfortable enough to have a shower but not enough to put on my makeup. I was putting on my makeup on day and this woman looks at me a little nervously so my anxiety hit the moon, not quite to the stars but way up there, but she asked me if she could sneak in front of me to grab a Kleenex. She got the Kleenex and walked back to her locker, I had been worked up for nothing. The day that I am writing this I was in the locker room and nothing no anxiety other than realizing my bra was sitting on my bed instead of in my gym bag. It felt like it took forever to get to that point but I realized it was only a week and a bit.

A little while after writing this I was in the shower and everything was fine and dandy but when I left the shower to middle aged women where sitting on a bench. When one of them looked at me I was so nervous, but did anything happen? Nope, did they say or do anything? Not to me.