Today I am not proud of my new thing as it was rather scary. I am who I am, there is no denying that. I am proud of who I am, I have done a lot to get me where I am now. I don’t think I would be around today if I didn’t find away to come out and find myself. I am forever thankful that I was able to get bottom surgery.
Now that that is all said; every Tuesday I need to do my weekly dilating, today while I was doing that my normal wishing I didn’t need to do that happened no big deal it typically passes once done. Today was a power up day so that feeling was amplified a bit, again I didn’t think much more into that knowing it would be over soon. I finished and went to do my power up, after jabbing my leg with a sharp to let the sweat oestrogen into me I started wishing I was a man. The whole wishing I was a man either AFAB or AMAB is not new either (it typically passes soon after thinking it) however what is new is my thoughts of maybe it would be easier to just end it all. I had my post power up shower and those thoughts kept crossing my mind, luckily I got over it when the oestrogen hit.