I was sexually harassed so I was looking for a trans specific resource, I found very few valid resources or shared experiences. I think that needs to change, so I am going to write about some of my experiences.
With my job I go to certain homes to collect data for a public service agency in Canada, some of the survey’s are mandatory, some of them are not. Some of the survey’s repeat with different intervals some of them do not repeat. However the information collected from each and everyone is very important. It is my job to get you to do these surveys as more data is always better. I have been told off every single way at least twice, and I am very rarely shaken about that. I was threatened with a gun at least the two times I can remember and it didn’t really phase me until I realized how scary that was after I left the home.
It was like any other Wednesday evening at work. I went to try and get into an apartment building, the respondent came down the stairs after they did not buzz me in. The respondent told me they had to do some work on the grounds prior to me being able to do the interview so I agreed to follow them. When we got around back they asked me if I was “trying to be transgender?” I really do not like lying about my gender or sexuality, anymore, so I was glad they worded it like they did because hey I am not trying, I am.
I helped them with the soaker hose they were trying to move, then we went around to the front door they sat down and whipped out a smoke. I pulled out my laptop as I was just going to get it done there, they told me no we would do it in their place, I was just glad they were going to get it done so I agreed rather than push it. Once my laptop was put away and they started talking about my tummy fat, telling me I need to do sit ups they than started showing off their tummy fat. This all was a little weird, but I am sad to say it is nothing new.
We got into the building and we were going up the stairs, they then told me that because they were going to do this survey I needed to do them a favour, now I am starting to get a little concerned not scared yet, and I say “umm?” So they tell me that I was to go up stairs and get their buddy after we where done the survey. I was a little confused with this so I agreed, hoping they would forget about this by the time the interview was over.
We get into their apartment and they told me where to sit down, I pull out my computer and started to login while they run around the apartment this is not concerning me as they are not the first person to do this. Then the questions start coming: What is in your pants? Are you a boy or a girl? Who do you have sex with? How do you have sex? Surprisingly I was not asked the question every person who is trans is asked, have you had “the” surgery yet” I told them things like I am just trying to log in to my computer. My computer is being slow. I am almost ready. Can we do the survey. This however is when the whole “I hope death is quick and I do not suffer” started going through my head I get the survey started and they jump up and go to the kitchen, as this is not unusual with my job I continued on, to which they got mad at me and starts to repeat those same questions, and those thoughts started going through my head every time they moved or the wind blew. By this point I am starting to get really scared as they rummage through the kitchen. I could not move I wanted it to be over so bad, I was suffering it was torture.
They sit down and we start doing the survey, I was trying to do it accurately but as quick as possible. We finish the survey, and I packed up when I stood up they told me to sit down. I was just terrified and I told them that I need to continue and go to other households. They just simply told me that they did the survey for me I could sit there. I looked at the couch I was on, it wasn’t clean but it wasn’t to dirty just a typical couch and I thought that was going to be the last place I ever was. They then started asking those questions again, but I told them I really needed to get back to work. They repeated those questions, I was loosing ways to avoid the questions. They adjusted themselves on the chair and my thoughts changed from “I hope death is quick and I do not suffer,” to “I hope my death is quick and I do not suffer when they see my no no zone.” I was absolutely scared I was going to be raped and murdered.
It felt like an eternity but I stood up and said I need to leave, I got to the door put on my shoes. As I was about to leave they yell to me about that favour, I thought of just leaving but I was scared they were going to chaise me and that they would win at a race. The favour was to go up to a suite upstairs and knock on the door and tell the resident that there buddy wanted to have a drink with them. The respondent followed me up and made sure I knocked on the door. I know it was the respondent trying to show off the car part they met but I was so glad the door did not open as I stood there for what felt like another eternity I could not move I was just petrified. When I was able to move I walked down the stairs, where the respondent was sitting with another resident. I told them their buddy was not there and left. I got into my car, and just started crying, if I was better hydrated I do not think I would have stopped crying as of Friday night.
My neighbour and her boyfriend started fighting, when I heard the yelling start I just curled up and cried some more. What fun is anxiety and oestrogen!
*edit: After I went to the police I realized I did not put down somethings that happened. When this person was asking me those questions they got more aggressive as he asked and re asked each of the questions. That when he went into the kitchen, pulled out a knife looked at it took a glance at me and then put it away. That he had made two different grabs at me, but I blocked him with my shoulder.